Fallible: On Making Mistakes in Public
Yep, that's a person in there.During all my years of teaching, I've seen a lot. In a single quarter I had a student vomit, another have a stroke, and a third show up for the final with no teeth claiming police brutality. I was teaching as the Twin Towers fell and watched the chaos ensue via the Internet. I've even been mooned by an irate teenager who was upset that I wouldn't let him take the quiz he missed by showing up late. But the image that sticks with me the most from my professorial days was of a mistake. A huge mistake.
It was my first year teaching and I made up for my nerves with bravado and humor. The class was one of those freshman behemoths required for every major, the kind of filter class that students hate taking and teachers hate teaching. Four days a week, I lectured from a podium in front of a huge screen dropped from the ceiling. The set-up was all modern and technical so whatever I had on my computer screen displayed on the screen. And thus my downfall began.
I had the habit of breaking up the class with humorous video clips I found on the Internet. I was not supposed to do this. In fact, I was strictly instructed to stick to the manual and its set of boring exercises. But like I said, I was nervous and eager to be liked and very, very young so I did it anyhow. Until one day I mistyped the URL of the site I was looking for. I meant to have a funny show up but instead up popped a hardcore porn site, complete with all the naughty pop-up windows that those sites spawn.
There was an audible gasp in the audience and in the seconds it took for the mistake to travel to my brain, my body decided to act. Causing human resource directors everywhere to shudder in horror, I threw myself in front of the screen trying to block the image with my body. Unfortunately, as I'm sure you can imagine, this does not work with a projector and a screen of megaplex proportions. Instead it looked as if I had thrown myself into the middle of a terribly lewd act. And for good measure, a very disturbing phrase was scrolling across the bottom of the screen - right across my stomach.
The students, being college kids, were wildly entertained until I managed to turn the projector off and it might have ended there. Except that somehow word got back to the dean and I was called in for an interview. And here's where it gets particularly cringe worthy. After having to describe in detail what exactly the picture was showing on the site to a man old enough to be my grandfather, I had to explain to him how it happened. Instead of simply admitting my mistake and asking for forgiveness, I tried to snow him. I babbled on about black widow sites and viruses and domain name hijacking and rerouting and any other technical details I could think of until at last I ran out of steam.
Sitting back and staring at me thoughtfully, he eventually said quietly, "They'll never hate you for making mistakes. Everyone does that. But they'll never respect you if you can't admit to those mistakes." I was too stunned to speak. "Next time ask for help."
That is a lesson I took to heart. In every class I taught after that point, I would tell the class right at the beginning that I wasn't perfect and that most likely there was someone present who knew more than I did. (Which really came in handy the day I started a computer on fire. Seriously.) That they should tell me when I am wrong and accept when I did the same for them. That nobody should be afraid of making mistakes, the only important thing was to try.
It is a lesson that translates well to health and fitness. I see a lot of people avoiding healthy activities out of fear of making mistakes. If you exercise in a gym setting then that fear is multiplied by the very public nature of the environment. For instance, a few months back I saw a woman pick up a resistance band. After glancing around a few times, she finally stepped on it and pulled up on the handles, just like she'd seen a personal trainer do with a client. Unfortunately she didn't have a good lock on the band and it whipped out from under her feet and smacked her across the face. I had to fake a coughing fit for a good five minutes to keep from laughing until I fell off my treadmill, it was that funny. It was certainly embarrassing. So what did the woman do? Dropping the handles, she stepped over the band and walked away as if nothing had happened. But her beet-red face betrayed her. I wanted to run after her and tell her that it's okay, I've totally snapped myself with the resistance band and then show her how to put it under the groove in your shoe so it can't come loose but she was gone, hopefully not to hide under a rock. If she had stuck around long enough I would have told her how I actually put a hole in my super tight spandex pants when I snapped myself on the butt with a jump rope while trying to show off during boot camp.
For me, making mistakes is about being teachable. It's about admitting that I don't have all the answers and that I have a lot to learn from other people. I've learned that I will never be perfect at anything the first time I try it. Chances are, I'll never be perfect at it period. I've also learned that nobody likes a perfect person anyhow. People are drawn to those who can make mistakes and learn from them. And hey, if you don't believe me, take it from Jamie Kennedy:
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Charlotte Hilton Andersen
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19 comments:
That's just a wonderful post, Charlotte. I really enjoyed reading, and reflecting on what you said. Very funny too! You're an artist with words.
I've heard stories that relate to this post. Your comments on your (not-so-good) experience were great.
Lol to the movie! I've seen it before...
This was a very funny post, and as always, full of things to think about. Maybe if we were able to laugh at our mistakes, or maybe not be so quick to fall over laughing at the mistakes of others, things would easier for everyone. I am one of those people who get embarrassed real easily and there are loads of things I refuse to try for fear of making a fool of myself. That needs to change.
Great Post with a great message!! I truly believe that making mistakes is the best way to find out who you are or want to be.
fab post and so how I try and live my life (yet I dont write about it as articulately. by far.)
I read once that the greatest gift (one of em :)) we can give our children is letting them see us try something new and fail...and keep going/not fall apart.
Great post, it's a wonderful lesson.
I have a tendancy to fall a lot, like right on my ass, or my face. Ive figured out through years of embrassment that instead of pretending like nothing happened, I make a big deal about it. I lay there for a while, or stand up and bow, and its even instinct for me now to let out a squeal. If you pretend it didnt happen, then the people that saw it have to pretend it didnt happen and then they hate you for it, so they laugh or thin about if for a while. but when you bow, people just clap.
Kelly Turner
www.groundedfitness.com
So, so true ... I love what you said about making mistakes and wanting to be liked, and being willing to be imperfect. It is so much harder than pretending to be perfect. And truly freeing. About the woman with the band — makes me think about all the people I see at the gym who are using the machines in ineffective ways, or who choose to watch from the door instead of join a class ... or there was the woman I watched on one of the ellipticals this weekend. She was going so slow, reading her magazine, that she was actually able to highlight sections in it. My heart broke for her, because she's missing out on something cool ... staying in her box and not pushing herself to get sweaty and really work out ...
Your classroom is my kitchen, Charlotte!!
(I always get excited whenever people talk about these things. The thought process is, "hurray she makes mistakes too we have something in common!" hehehe).
You definitely hit the mark with the part about wanting to be liked and all that. The best thing about making mistakes is how many good laughs you get from them later on.
People will like you for making mistakes and they will love you for being able to laugh at yourself.
I taught a cycle class over at a posh Minnetonka club and brought a Warren Miller downhill ski DVD to play for the participants for something different. Well, I didn't preview it and that was my mistake - but it was downhill skiing and the sound would be off....what could go wrong???
Well, all of a sudden I looked over and three men in kilts were skiing. Just then I realized that they don't wear anything under those. You can guess what happened next as one of them took quite a tumble down the mountain. Full frontal male nudity! I immediately turned it off and apologized to only hear one of the women participating yell, "rewind it!"
I've got nothing to add, except for that was a great post as always!
Incredible post, thank you. Allowing myself to make mistakes is definitely something I have trouble with.
Also, I am amused that you and I have the same blog theme now. *grins* I love the paisley!
Wow! Thanks for the laugh and the great post today!
Such a wonderful post!!!
Learning to let myself make mistakes has been one of the hardest lessons of my life. (One person who has really helped is my husband; when we first started dating I cooked for him a lot, but I wasn't very good at it. He ate everything I made without a single complaint!)
And I completely agree that laughing at yourself is the best way to deal with it.
It's such an important lesson to learn...sometimes when I'm up teaching class and make a mistake on something, my first instinct is to apologize, face going red, and that's the worst thing you can do in a step class (most of the time they don't even notice. And if it's a big enough mistake, then you just take a second, and restart, and they're all very understanding). Sometimes when I'm teaching a new combo, I'm afraid of making a mistake on it, so it makes me chicken out of teaching it until I prepare more (or sometimes I think it's fine and it crashes and burns, I never know). It's hard to really internalize the fact that really, it's ok and just take whatever comes...
dude I love you. That was very well written. I've had similar experiences (though frankly not as funny as that one in retrospect, though I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time) and you do learn so much from them. I think it's a good reminder to instead of shy away from out painful memories or experiences, to reflect on them and learn from them. Very inspiring.
Um. I think you are reading my mail (as they say). I had the most humiliating experience EVER in a martial arts class LAST NIGHT. Yeah. I let myself get too hot and then I puked. That was embarrassing. But I have to go back. As one friend pointed out, I have to go back, if only becuase if I don't I will always be "that girl who puked in class that one time." Yeah. *SIGH*
great post.
I laughed out loud.
That video is sooo funny! I don't think I have laughed that hard in a long time.
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